i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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