Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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