The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
