The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Enjoy the penises
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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