Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Randomize
