dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
