i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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