got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
