Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
