I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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