For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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