She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
