im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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