I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
