I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
