I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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