i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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