Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
