Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
