yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
