ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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