Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
