um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
