Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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