my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
