my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think I just sharted jello shots
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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