I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
