That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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