wat bout pragnant strippers??
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
