Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
