nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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