apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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