if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
