I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
