I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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