If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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