Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
