I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
