Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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