How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
lol hangovers are for mortals.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
