Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize