wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
