Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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