I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
