i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Sober January is a disaster.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
