Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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