Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize