Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
