so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
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It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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