dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
