i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
