I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
soo... how was my night?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
