we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
