i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
