This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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