So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
