I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
