dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
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Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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