I skipped work to stalk him.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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