Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm too high and old for this...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize