If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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