You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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