he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
