Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize