Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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